some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
