but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
