True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
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