So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
