u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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