I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
