Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
