After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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