i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
