Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
