she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
