she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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