new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
