I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
