I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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