I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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