Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
