your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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