Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
