I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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