And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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