it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
