I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
