So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
