at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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