guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
