I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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