I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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