What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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