I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
