I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
