i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
