Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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