Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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