I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
