Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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