I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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