Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
