My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
