i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
