Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
