my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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