I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
