He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
