she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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