I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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