i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
