I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize