Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
