just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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