I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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