Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
