I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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