just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
