have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
