tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
