You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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