Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm like, not good at living.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
