id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
