Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to have your abortion
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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