sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
