Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
