Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
