apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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