WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
