a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how does that bad decision feel?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
