Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
