Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm just crazy horny about you
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
