we have pet lesbian snakes
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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