WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sext me about skeletons
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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